the sickness

It seems that I have "the sickness".

And I'm not down with it (pun).

You know the one. The one where it creeps up on you overnight and gets you when you're least vulnerable. You wake up with a slightly stuffy nose that seems to get better throughout the morning. Then you hit exhaustion like a wall. After your nap, and really weird dreams due to fever, you wake up aching all over, you definitely can't breathe out of one nostril, and your throat is starting to scratch. Your head feels like an over inflated balloon, and you are filled with the weakness of an 80 year old. In fact, your head feels so full that you feel drunk. Your reaction time sucks, you can't think, and all you want to do is go back to bed. But that's impossible because you can't sleep because your nose decides that it doesn't know which side it really wants to stuff up, and your fever makes you hot and cold more than 15 times over an hour

That's the one.

No nausea yet (thank goodness).

What I feel like I look like.

What I feel like on the inside.

Nathan came over yesterday and hugged me and made me feel better before I went to school to take my first communications class. My teacher seems cool, so hopefully I'll pass this time (I have no choice: I have to pass).

On another note, I find myself really attached to Nathan lately. Like a whole lot. It's a weird thing. It's not the attachment where I feel like I can't trust him so I want him near me all the time. It feels more like I don't want to let him go. I just want to be near him all the time. Maybe it has to do with the passing of Mama Lou, realizing what I have and I don't want to lose it. I don't know. I just want to spend all of my time with him and just never let him go. When we got back from our trip I was so "moved" and just tearful because I wasn't with him anymore. I don't know if it's because he's my best friend and I just want to be with him, or what. I think I'm just so ready to be married and live with him everyday and wake up to him and see him and breathe him in everyday. Who knows.

Well I guess I'll just Pinterest and watch Law & Order until I can fall asleep.