soup for breakfast

It's weird and all, but it works when you're sick.

I'm going on day 7 (Nathan is on day 9) of being sick. Everyday there is a new symptom it seems, or at least, things are getting worse. I can breathe out of my nose now, but my cough has reached croup-like status, and i have terrible cramps and and and... it's just awful. And if Nathan is any indication of what this thing will be like for me, I have at least another 2 days of this mess. It's terrible. All I can be grateful for is that I am not in nursing school, or doing an externship. I feel like I would have failed out by now and gotten fired. It's heavily debilitating. The day before yesterday I slept for 4 hours during the day and then slept all night. It's ridiculous.

I had the biggest breakfast yesterday! Nate made me a waffle (which I haven't had in year and years) and I had a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit, and fruit. It doesn't seem that huge, but those carbs had me going ALL day. Then we sat in the bed and drank tea and cuddled. It was wonderful :)

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do while I'm "young". I really want to travel. I have never been past West Virginia at the furthest, and I would love to go see Oregon, Colorado, Washington, California, even Texas! Just anywhere! I would love to see everything and take everything God has made! Why should I be limited to one coast? I shouldn't! Waking up to these different places would be wonderful and an experience of growth I believe. Like you leave home to find home. How can I know where I'm happiest if I never look?

Ahh. I would love it!

I also want to hike at least part of the AT, preferably with Nathan. You would super get to know each other better, that's for sure! I know at times I would hate it. Absolutely hate it and want to give up. But having encouragement and knowing how far I have hiked and knowing how awesome my legs would be at the end of it might be enough to keep me going!

I want to super travel oversees too. I'd love to just backpack across Europe for like a month, just taking in everything. Italy, Ireland, France, Japan, Germany, Greece, Spain... all of it! The architecture over there would be amazing to see, and I feel like it would be really moving. Just to know that hundreds and thousands of years ago these things were built for their beauty and not for their efficiency like over here. The top place I would love to go would be Israel. It really sucks that things are dangerous over there because I feel like that would be the best moment of my life. Seeing where my Savior was born and walked and taught. It gives me shivers! I'd probably cry the whole time like a baby.

There are SO many things that I even want to do here! All those times that Nathan and I just sit at home when we could be walking the Greenway, or visiting the botanical gardens, or exploring Athens, or Madison, or going to the Aquarium, or the World of Coke, or the Renaissance Fair, or visiting our coffee shop, or having a picnic. I just want to explore!

I am a very torn person. A lot of me is a homebody, and then there is a part of me that just loves to travel and run away from everything. I'm afraid that if I didn't have Nathan I would live my life as a nomad, taking crappy part time jobs everywhere just so I could save up enough money to go go go go. Life gets overwhelming and I want to escape. It's bizarre. Why would I want to run from everything I know to somewhere that I know nothing about? Maybe the newness of it all would be more overwhelming and would take my mind off of it. I don't know.

Enough of my ramblings.

the sickness

It seems that I have "the sickness".

And I'm not down with it (pun).

You know the one. The one where it creeps up on you overnight and gets you when you're least vulnerable. You wake up with a slightly stuffy nose that seems to get better throughout the morning. Then you hit exhaustion like a wall. After your nap, and really weird dreams due to fever, you wake up aching all over, you definitely can't breathe out of one nostril, and your throat is starting to scratch. Your head feels like an over inflated balloon, and you are filled with the weakness of an 80 year old. In fact, your head feels so full that you feel drunk. Your reaction time sucks, you can't think, and all you want to do is go back to bed. But that's impossible because you can't sleep because your nose decides that it doesn't know which side it really wants to stuff up, and your fever makes you hot and cold more than 15 times over an hour

That's the one.

No nausea yet (thank goodness).

What I feel like I look like.

What I feel like on the inside.

Nathan came over yesterday and hugged me and made me feel better before I went to school to take my first communications class. My teacher seems cool, so hopefully I'll pass this time (I have no choice: I have to pass).

On another note, I find myself really attached to Nathan lately. Like a whole lot. It's a weird thing. It's not the attachment where I feel like I can't trust him so I want him near me all the time. It feels more like I don't want to let him go. I just want to be near him all the time. Maybe it has to do with the passing of Mama Lou, realizing what I have and I don't want to lose it. I don't know. I just want to spend all of my time with him and just never let him go. When we got back from our trip I was so "moved" and just tearful because I wasn't with him anymore. I don't know if it's because he's my best friend and I just want to be with him, or what. I think I'm just so ready to be married and live with him everyday and wake up to him and see him and breathe him in everyday. Who knows.

Well I guess I'll just Pinterest and watch Law & Order until I can fall asleep.

time...

It seems like there isn't enough time in the day while at the same time, sometimes at least, there is all the time in the world.

It seems that it was October and then I blinked and when I opened my eyes it was December. It's awesome and bad at the same time. I feel rushed. I leave for New York Tuesday morning and I haven't had a chance to pack yet! It doesn't seem so bad, but I have to work all day tomorrow, wrap a few presents that I haven't gotten to yet, and drive 2 hours back home to spend the night so that it will be easier to leave to go to the airport in the morning. Oy.

I am excited though. I don't really like planes though, which is weird because I didn't have a problem with them until a trip (which I can't even remember which one it was or how long ago, weird) but we hit turbulence and I thought I was going to have a heart attack and teet in my pants I was so scared. Now when I board a plane, I am grasping the seat for dear life the entire flight. I pray and pray and pray and pray. It's just not the way I want to go. You know, screaming in terror and being able to realize my horror before I either get crushed to death or burn alive in an airplane explosion or suffocate going hundreds of miles per hour, miles in the sky. No thanks. BUT, that being said, I am SO very excited to share New York with Nate. I have never been into the city myself. It's always been the Island. So, this time, we are going to spend a majority of time on the Island, but we are going to be brave tourists and venture into the city for the day. Hot dog vendors, THE TREE, (maybe) iceskating, photos, shopping... all of it! It will be fun, I think. Even if we get lost, it will be a fun story later...

I still have a little "cold", although it has gone from my throat into my sinuses and now I can't breathe. It probably didn't help that I went home this weekend and because my mom is in mid-move, my bed was gone. I had to make a makeshift bed on the ground with blankets. Kind of like camping, except more like what I imagine jail cots are like, except worse. And I kept waking up gasping for breath in the middle of the night because my mouth would close or I would wake up drooling all over myself OR I would be in pain and need to roll over because my prison cot felt like a prison shiv in my back.

Anyway, I'm excited. No work, no school, no worries and lots of boyfriend and family time for 6 days. I can't wait!

christmas break!

I feel like I'm 14 (or any age below like, 18) again and school has let out! Except for now I have to work a full-time job until school starts back... but no bother! For in 4 days I will be on a plane to Long Island the visit family and venture into the city with my sweetest boyfriend and brother (I know I wrote that last time). My tonsils are real big and hurting at my head has that "sick" feeling this morning. At least it held off until after finals, right?

I better get ready for work.