Remembering Lots of Things

Since it's been ten years today since the tragic falling of the Towers in NYC, everyone has been really thoughtful and thankful for what they have, myself included. Ten years ago today, I was 15 and a sophomore in high school. I don't remember much of what happened that day, but in the days afterward I remember a lot. The reason I don't remember much is because I was at home on the couch recuperating from having my gall bladder taken out and was very much in a morphine induced stupor. I do remember my Dad being home and waking me up and telling me to look at the TV. I saw the smoke and a red tape below the screen saying that the towers had been hit. I was so confused. I just remember my Dad left to get my brother from school and it was a very, very sad day. I am kind of glad that I didn't see the second plane hit the second tower, and I didn't need to to understand the loss and complete vulnerability of that attack. I can't imagine the absolute terror that ran through everyone's minds as they watched that happen. I hope and pray that we won't have to see something like that ever again. It's a sad thing for people to be seriously misled into thinking that terrorism is the answer. I pray that God will keep us safe, and I am very, very blessed with what I have.

To end on a lighter note of remembrance, Nate and I went on a date yesterday. Although impromptu, it was a REAL date. Embracing the coming of Fall, I got dressed up in probably what will be my last real chance to wear a cute strapless summer dress for the season, and met him at Starbucks, where we proceeded to get pumpkin frappuccinos! Then we drove to an antique mall, where we found all kinds of cool things that were way out of our price ranges... except for this amazing Kodak camera from the 50's. It was 19 dollars, and although I haven't gotten it yet, I hid it in a real good spot just in case I wanted it later. I looked online and text my bestie and both said it was a super cool camera. I might just have to go back and get it. Then we went to the soap store (I didn't get anything in there, although everything smelled yum), and the general store in Sautee Village, and I was convinced (okay, so they didn't have to even nudge me...) to buy this expensive farmer's cheese that was probably one of the most delicious things that I have ever had. We went outside and played with the bubble wands and then we went to the Sweetwater Coffeehouse with newly bought cheese and crackers in tow.

This was one of the best parts for me. Nate took me to Sweetwater about 5 months ago on a really cool date. We were pretty new, and I was still shy, and we had iced chai tea and he played guitar and played with pick up sticks (actually I just stuck them in his beard). I remember it because there was a lumberjack man sitting there watching us while Nate was playing guitar and said "I'm just waiting to hear you play her a love song" and I immediately freaked out because we didn't say that "L" word yet.

Fast forward 5 months and many, many "L" words said everyday, we went back and got iced chai teas and Nate played guitar and we ate the expensive cheese and enjoyed each other. It made me so, so happy to do that again with the same man that took me there almost half a year before and be able to love him so much more. We should make it a tradition :)

We left Sweetwater (Nate with a new bumper sticker and a really cool homemade thrown, fired, and glazed mug) and went to a bar in Helen (Bigg Daddies I think...) and got wings (his were better than mine. I wanted to steal them all.) and sat outside in the most perfect weather I have felt in awhile and people watched. After that, we went to a "park" across the street and swung on swings and realized that we were both probably never going to be able to do the monkey bars again and climbed down to a bank and skipped stones on the river. After I skipped one stone the entire time (and Nate was flipping skipping all of them), we walked around Helen and got our pictures taken in a photobooth and shared funnel cake before we drove home with the windows down, smelling all of the camp/bonfires every few miles along the way.

It was one of the best days of my life, and I'm glad I got to share it with my love, Nate. Again, I wanna marry that boy someday :)

Diva

I have taken a great interest in fashion and hair and nails and makeup lately. I enjoy being feminine lately. Dresses, nail painting, trying different things with my hair and makeup. It feels fun, and I think I am finally out of my rut where I didn't care what I looked like for the longest time. I want to look good for my boyfriend, which in turn makes me want to look good for me. It's a lovely change.

I look at old blogs and see how far I've come. I promised myself on Valentine's Day in 2010 that I would not pursue a man, that I wanted one to pursue me. I lived up to that promise, and I met a man who likes me very much for me, and I never had to beg him to like me. Although we haven't dropped the "L" bomb yet, I feel it's presence creeping up on us, slowly, but surely. I realized then that I NEEDED God, and my faith, and I have lived by that ever since and have not faltered from that. I have put more faith into God than I have in my whole entire life, and he has done nothing less than reward me for it. I love Him. I promised then that I would not have sex again until I am married. I have also stood by this promise, and my boyfriend respects it as well. We are together knowing that it isn't for sex, and that is a wonderful thing. On that same day I also promised that I would not date anyone who didn't love God, and that has worked out as well. This man and I are learning and finding out so many things about each other and I love it. He has made me pray hard to God through trials, and I have led him to God through his own troubles. Last but not least, I wanted to live Christ-like. Although I try to do this, I fail at times, but I know that I cannot give up because of things that happen. All in all, I have lived a more supportive and positive life, and I feel that is Christ-like.

I have also been on a weight kick, eating smaller portions and eating healthier. When I went to the doctor in April, I weighed 150 (probably more, but I think I lied to myself and said 150). I was tired of looking at myself in the mirror (naked) and feeling ashamed and gross. I am down to 138 right now, and I'm still working on it. :) I'm thankful for that. Determination and hard work is... hard.

Tonight though, I throw my diet to the side, and I get to have a real dress up dinner date with my sweet boyfriend. He starts his new job today, so he is going to stay dressed up, and I am going to GET dressed up (after I have my Spanish II class), and we are going to eat some delicious food and enjoy each other.

I move to Athens in less than a month.
Nursing will be my only classes left to take.
In 2 years, I will be an RN.

Time to get ready for things.

UpDATES

I have a date with HIPSTERJACK today and I am so excited. He is the sweetest man I have ever been lucky to have and know. He told me today that I made him smile and that he's glad that he found me. It makes me want to cry. In a good way! I forget how lost and lonely I was sometimes, but having him is a constant reminder of how God worked and is working in my life. My apartment is settled in Athens, God provided money through amazing family. I am praying about my math class, as it is proving to be harder than ever. And still, in my relationships I am weeding out negative people that do me more harm than good and being ever more positive. This man... God really blessed me. He is a gift to me. We play off of each other wonderfully. I don't have to worry, and if I find my mind wandering that way, I pray. I tell myself to give all of my worry over to God, which is hard, but it works. I am in love, and no, he still doesn't know it. I want to shout it from the rooftops, but all in good time I suppose. :) anyway, I love God and I love this man and I love his family and I love where I am headed. Thank you, God. :)

Things and Things.

Things are still good. :)

I met hipsterjack's best friends (and their wives) last night, and they were awesome! I love where we are headed, and I am really glad for everything that God has put into my life, including this man. I have an interview tomorrow for Nursing school, but I am going to pray about it hard. I would rather go to Piedmont I think, and my mind is pretty much made up. However, having a choice would be nice. Yeah, prayers are needed.

I don't know what else to say! I am thankful for everything right now. I mean, I always am, it is just coming in waves now. :)

THANK YOU GOD

Sweet Progress.

Well, life has been going pretty swimmingly lately. I feel immensely blessed!

In an update from last month, I will probably go to the nursing school that accepted me, but I have an interview at another one on Thursday! Choices are always better than being forced to go one way without a say, so I'm still excited. :)

My dad is sober now and doing well. I'll continue to pray about that! My mom loves her job and her boss treats her wonderfully and with respect, which is something she wasn't used to having worked for huge corporations. My brother is still my brother and doing brotherly things.

My love life has take a good turn. I am still dating the hipsterjack guy, which is going extremely well. I met his family last night for his birthday. :) I am in puppy love for sure. OH! He is not going to Chicago! My prayers were answered, and it seems that I am doing something right because God wanted him to stay for some reason or another. This guy... he is just the best. We get along amazingly, he's sweet, smart, and super talented. I can't wait to see where this takes me. :)

School is... school. I am getting burnt out again. I guess 2 years straight of school will do that to you. Just 2 more and I'll be done and making money and living on my own! (Unless the world implodes in 2012, in which case my degree won't matter and all of my stress would have been for naught.) Algebra is kicking my butt, and it's so hard to make it to my 9:00 class in the morning.Work is decent. I have to work a lot lately which cuts into study time at school (which drives me insane) and date time (which helps me keep my sanity), so I will have to see. This week though I have 4 days off after Monday! Tuesday I have to meet Hipsterjack's best friends and their wives. We aren't "officially" boyfriend/girlfriend yet, but I like where it's going. :)

All in all, things are going really well besides the fact that I am physically and mentally drained.

Blessed!

Well, I just got home from spring break. It was the first one that I have ever been anywhere on. My brother and I and 3 of his friends decided that Key West would be fun, so we went there and had a super wonderful relaxing trip even though it took 14 hours each way. :/

I got some awesome news and some sad news while on "vacation". I got accepted to nursing school, which eases a bit of stress from my mind and adds some at the same time (now I have to find an apartment, etc.). BUT I got accepted, and I am that much closer to being able to help people! On a sad note, a friend that my brother and I knew and went to church with committed suicide. It's so sad. I hadn't talked to him in years, but my brother said that he was really depressed the last time he saw him. It's so sad that someone feels that they need to do something like that to ease their pain. I am praying for his family.

The earthquake in Japan is sad as well and I've been praying a lot for them. My cousin is in the navy and they are stationed over there. I just pray that the nuclear power plants don't explode. :(

I am still seeing my hipsterjack guy, and no word on Chicago yet. I can only continue to pray that he can stay and find a job here, especially since me getting accepted into nursing school will put me much closer to him. I get to see him Wednesday and I am so excited. We both talked for hours the entire time we were both on vacation. I really like this man.

My dad is in New York for 3 weeks to visit my grandma. She adopted a dog today from a last chance rescue, and I am so happy for her that I could cry. I know that having something to take care of will help her in dealing with my grandpa's passing. I pray for her and my dad a's well.

So, all in all, a lot of praying has been going on. I have to be at work at 7 this morning and I can't sleep! I'm praying God will help me stay awake at work! ;)
Until something else awesome happens,
Adios!

Pouring.

    I was reading this Bible app that I have today, and the plan that I started reading really hit close to home. It read:

"Psalm 6:6

Pouring out his heart with tears, David was completely honest with God. We can be honest with God even when we are filled with anger or despair because God knows us thoroughly and wants the very best for us. Anger may result in rash outward acts or turning inward toward depression. But because we trust in our all-powerful God, we don't have to be victims of circumstance or be weighted down by the guilt of sin. Be honest with God, and He will help you turn your attention from yourself to Him and His mercy."

     This is just what I needed to read concerning my situation with my guy. I need to let God take control of the situation. I know that God will do what he will, and that it will turn out how it is supposed to. I feel like I really have met someone that is just amazing, and we have so much in common. I asked God today why this was happening, and in all honesty, I am mad. I am mad that after so long, something good finally comes along, and He is taking it away from me again. I know that I shouldn't be mad at God, or mad in general, but after so long and so many broken pieces of my heart, I just wish that it would work out. I PRAY that it will work out. Maybe I should be thinking of it in a matter of "well if he really liked me then he wouldn't leave to take a job somewhere so far away", but I can't be like that. Like myself, I do want the best for him, and if it's in Chicago, even though my heart would be broken, then so be it. I feel like it will happen, because I am going on Spring Break for a week, and he will be in another place during the same time, and it's like God is preparing me for letting go. I just want a wonderful love, and when my heart starts to fill with it again, to have it ripped from me AGAIN, I just don't know what would happen.

     I know that I am pretty solid individual, and I read somewhere that what doesn't kill you really does make you stronger, but my heart can only take so much. He said to me today that the whole thing weighs heavy on his head/heart. I know he likes me, and I like him. It is the first time in a long time that I have felt that way. It is the first time in a long time that I have been able to stifle urges of mistrust. Most importantly, it is the first time that I have been really HAPPY in a long long long long long LONG time. I mean, truly happy.

     My friend who introduced me to the church that I visit when I have time, actually told me that she made a list of the perfect man that God could give her, and about 2 weeks later she met her now husband. I took her advice and made a list. This guy fits my list. It is the first time that I had ever shared that list with anyone, and he fits it. Perfectly. It is amazing. I feel like it is a gift. He is a gift. I met him for some reason. GOD made me meet him for some reason. I feel like he is an answer to my prayers, and I just don't want him to leave. I do not at all. It is easier for me to type these things than it is for me to say them. This is my being honest with God. This is my outpouring of how bad I want this. I want to fall in love and be happy and have a pure love not based on sex. I want what he is giving me. I could say that I love this man, as a person. Not in love, the kind where you freak someone out by saying it, but the love that I have for my dearest friends. (and now I think I understand how he meant that we were friends; it just clicked). I love his soul, his personality, his warmth, his compassion. We cried together, and we held each other.

     I just want this to last, and I want this to be wonderful. The money doesn't matter to me. I want him around. I just pray so hard right now that this will work out as a compromise. Dear Lord, can he please stay and can he please get a job here? Please. Here in Georgia so that we can be all around happy. That would be the greatest thing ever. :) I love you and Amen.

Dare I Say it Again?

So, my wildly successful date has turned into many more successful dates with the same wonderful guy! We are definitely exclusive, but not technically boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm going to call him Beard. (Apparently there is a sort of difference where he feels that it should be asked after a nice dinner or something). Anyway, I am definitely "in LIKE" with him (it is far too soon to say the other L word). He's wonderful and I can't express that enough. His faith makes him admirable, his music makes him hot, his personality makes him awesome. The only thing that I can find wrong is that we live a good 2 hours away from each other. We have made an effort to see each other 2-3 times a week so far, and we talk every night on the phone (for like 3 hours, which is ridic). Nevertheless, I am still on cloud nine, and I am still so thankful to God for everything that he has given me, especially lately. This past month has been wonderful.

I had an interview at Piedmont's nursing school on Tuesday, which I really hope works out. All in all this year is already better than the past 2 have been, and I am so grateful for it. Key West in 6 days and then I get to see this boy that I like again. :)

Dare I Say?

I had a successful date! What?!

So there's a guy, that I met online (which always sounds lame, no matter how many times you say it), and wow. I don't know what it is, but it was wildly successful. He was sweet, funny, sarcastic, and most importantly, held many of the same values that I have. (Oh, and he wants to get married and have babies one day, which is awesome). I have been praying for something wonderful, and maybe this is God's way of being like, "you know, you have been through a lot. Enjoy this date". Even if it was a one time date (which he said he would like to see me again! TEE HEE), I am truly grateful to have had something inspiring and worth knowing that if I never give up, something nice is sure to come around. (NOTE TO SELF: Dear Christa, although you may be on cloud nine now and think that maybe that feeling will pass, keep persuing THAT guy, whoever it may be, because something nice will come to you if you try. It may have taken 2 long years, but you had a successful date.)

I also did a speech successfully, made a 78 on an algebra test (hey, I just want to pass), and thoroughly enjoy my students that I TA. I AM GOING TO KEY WEST FOR SPRING BREAK! I acquired some money through financial aid that I can use to pay bills, which is awesome! Just so many good things are happening. I can only pray that it continues. Thank you God for hearing my prayers always, and I mean that.[Especially for my successful date! :)]