Only mostly because it's chocolate. I'm actually sweating here...
I have a test in Med Surg today, fighting off my UC/stress induced stomach problems, and I can't wait to be comforted by my sweet, handsome, wonderful fiancé tonight!
I haven't weighed myself because it scares me. Even if I eat little things I end up running to the bathroom :( I am taking vitamins to help my body get the nutrients it needs, but I still worry. It's kind of silly how hard I was trying to lose weight, an now I am worried about it. I guess because it's not because of a healthy way that I am losing it :( I have to wait until December until I can go to the doctor :( Even then, money isn't exactly growing on trees, so I'm concerned about paying for everything. God will provide!
I need my fiancé's strong arms around me and to hear his reassurance in my ears! It's wonderful to have your best friend as a fiancé and for him to be so understanding and accepting, especially of my pretty embarrassing health problems. He asks me all the time how I am doing and how I am feeling, and it really makes me feel loved.
I am so upset that whatever I was ill with over a month ago caused this flare up :( I don't know what I had, but I felt terrible and then my belly was never the same. Probably the stress of being in nursing school doesn't help matters any either. I can't win!
I ask for prayers for healing and for luck on my test!
11.28.2012
11.27.2012
It's Getting Cold!
It's getting cold outside!
I am bundled up on my couch watching Psych (as always) and drinking hot cocoa, and missing my fiance that gives off heat like a furnace!
Let's see. I have a test tomorrow that I've yet to really sit down and study for, I get to bake cupcakes Thursday morning for our World AIDS Day thing, and Friday I have a final due for Research and a presentation (that I have yet to work on). Procrastination at its best! I'm suffering from super insomnia lately, which screws me over big time :(
BUT, in better news, I think Nathan and I have found the PERFECT invitations! They are the perfectly equal mix of manly and womanly, rugged and dainty, hard and soft, and I can't wait to get these put into action! But they're secret, so ;) Now all we need are some save-the-dates! Yesterday was our "11 months until we are married" day, and I can't believe it! I want it to be now though...
It's less than a month until Christmas, and I am WAY behind this year. Hardly anything has been bought! Terrible. Plus I haven't even gotten the tree up yet! We are going to have to wait until we come back from Florida, so we will have it up for basically 5 days before Christmas! Sad day.
I can't wait to start my forever with Nathan! I know I keep saying it, but it's so true! I'll keep the mushy to a minimum, but I really, really, really can't wait!
I am bundled up on my couch watching Psych (as always) and drinking hot cocoa, and missing my fiance that gives off heat like a furnace!
Let's see. I have a test tomorrow that I've yet to really sit down and study for, I get to bake cupcakes Thursday morning for our World AIDS Day thing, and Friday I have a final due for Research and a presentation (that I have yet to work on). Procrastination at its best! I'm suffering from super insomnia lately, which screws me over big time :(
BUT, in better news, I think Nathan and I have found the PERFECT invitations! They are the perfectly equal mix of manly and womanly, rugged and dainty, hard and soft, and I can't wait to get these put into action! But they're secret, so ;) Now all we need are some save-the-dates! Yesterday was our "11 months until we are married" day, and I can't believe it! I want it to be now though...
It's less than a month until Christmas, and I am WAY behind this year. Hardly anything has been bought! Terrible. Plus I haven't even gotten the tree up yet! We are going to have to wait until we come back from Florida, so we will have it up for basically 5 days before Christmas! Sad day.
I can't wait to start my forever with Nathan! I know I keep saying it, but it's so true! I'll keep the mushy to a minimum, but I really, really, really can't wait!
11.25.2012
Growing Older
I enjoy my time home visiting family as I always have.
However, after growing older and closer to having my own life with a future husband, I have found that things aren't as they used to be. Not necessarily in a bad way, but I notice now that when I come home not everything is smooth and easy. My family and I disagree. See, it's not a parent-child relationship really anymore. It's 2-4 adults trying to make decisions and share things and like any four adults, not everything is going to be agreed on. I find myself longing to be with my fiancé and less with family, mostly because since we have grown, we have grown in different directions of things that we like, are tolerant of, political opinions, and habits. I will always love being at home, but I am glad that I have finally crossed the threshold of craving the home that I will have with my husband more. I know a lot of people don't get to that point and revel in the past, and I did. I used to love to come home and be taken care of and not worry. But now I love my time with my fiancé and doing work and talking with my best friend (fiancé).
We have both been through a lot this Thanksgiving with family. I think we both are coming to terms with the fact that our families are flawed and nothing is perfect, which is fine and kind of refreshing. It allows us to speak our minds and stand up for each other and ourselves without feeling like we are being disrespectful, as we are adults speaking to adults. It's something that won't happen overnight, but it will happen, and we are going to make it together!
I have to say that I am so proud of Nathan. He is such a wonderful man and is growing everyday. I am proud to call him mine. He's honest and sweet and more than I have ever had in a partner. The one thing that I really want is to grow more and more in Christ. I have been feeling the void and an increase in stress and I know a big part of it is not going to church every Sunday or at least not being involved everyday. I pray everyday and every night. I am SO thankful for my fiancé and my family and my life and my schooling and my job and my Tangobutt and I want God to know that I am grateful for that. I want to live for HIM and be a better woman for myself and for Nathan and for God. It's something that I truly have to work on, and it's getting there.
However, after growing older and closer to having my own life with a future husband, I have found that things aren't as they used to be. Not necessarily in a bad way, but I notice now that when I come home not everything is smooth and easy. My family and I disagree. See, it's not a parent-child relationship really anymore. It's 2-4 adults trying to make decisions and share things and like any four adults, not everything is going to be agreed on. I find myself longing to be with my fiancé and less with family, mostly because since we have grown, we have grown in different directions of things that we like, are tolerant of, political opinions, and habits. I will always love being at home, but I am glad that I have finally crossed the threshold of craving the home that I will have with my husband more. I know a lot of people don't get to that point and revel in the past, and I did. I used to love to come home and be taken care of and not worry. But now I love my time with my fiancé and doing work and talking with my best friend (fiancé).
We have both been through a lot this Thanksgiving with family. I think we both are coming to terms with the fact that our families are flawed and nothing is perfect, which is fine and kind of refreshing. It allows us to speak our minds and stand up for each other and ourselves without feeling like we are being disrespectful, as we are adults speaking to adults. It's something that won't happen overnight, but it will happen, and we are going to make it together!
I have to say that I am so proud of Nathan. He is such a wonderful man and is growing everyday. I am proud to call him mine. He's honest and sweet and more than I have ever had in a partner. The one thing that I really want is to grow more and more in Christ. I have been feeling the void and an increase in stress and I know a big part of it is not going to church every Sunday or at least not being involved everyday. I pray everyday and every night. I am SO thankful for my fiancé and my family and my life and my schooling and my job and my Tangobutt and I want God to know that I am grateful for that. I want to live for HIM and be a better woman for myself and for Nathan and for God. It's something that I truly have to work on, and it's getting there.
11.20.2012
Stress!
This month has been so stressful! So much going on outside of Nathan's and my control. One of the things I am trying to learn is giving up control, but it is hard. Very hard!
I am so glad and blessed that I have Nathan to help me through things and I hope he feels the same about me. Our pre-marital counseling is helping us so much. We are learning so much about each other and are beginning to communicate with each other right. I feel a lot better knowing that a lot of our problems are not us and just family things out of our control, from both sides, and we have seen a lot of that this month. As our counselors said "this is marital stuff that you're dealing with" and we are making it, which makes me happy :)
That being said, anytime things want to let up and be a little easier, they're more than welcome to!
I am excited about Thanksgiving and delicious food and love and being with Nathan. Then Christmas! Oy! Nathan is taking me to The Fox to see The Nutcracker (I can't remember if I wrote that or not) and we are going to get dressed up and have a wonderful night!
School is almost over (pending 2 projects, an event no one will go to, 1 paper, and 3 finals). Then I'll have basically a month off total until I'm done with school! I remember starting a year ago... So crazy!
Last year was the start of the rest of my life! I met my future husband, started my schooling to my future career, been through some trials that made me stronger, made some decisions that lead me down a path that I really feel that is right for me.
I can't wait to be a wife, a mother, a successful nurse! I can't wait to have a home to call my own and grow with Nathan. I have met my husband...
That still seems SO unreal to me. After "looking" for what seems like forever, I found him. I mean as a girl you grow up thinking about your prince and then your hero who is going to whisk you up and save you from your adolescent "terrible" life, and then a MAN who will treat you right and be a good husband, and FATHER. How our views change as we grow... but they all revolve around a search for your mate. And I've found mine.
I've never been at this level of comfort with anyone. I've never been at this point of "I never want to look at anyone else" or imagine myself with someone greater, because he is the best. When we have petty arguments that will be over in minutes or sometimes hours, I have to remember that. This is my future husband. He's The One. The one that God set in my life! It wasn't easy to get to where we are and I guess it makes sense that it won't really ever be easy. But how worth it is it at the end of the day when you know you're with the right person and you're so blessed and you realize that you'd do anything to keep them? It's worth everything.
Kind of random, but it's something I had been thinking about.
I am so glad and blessed that I have Nathan to help me through things and I hope he feels the same about me. Our pre-marital counseling is helping us so much. We are learning so much about each other and are beginning to communicate with each other right. I feel a lot better knowing that a lot of our problems are not us and just family things out of our control, from both sides, and we have seen a lot of that this month. As our counselors said "this is marital stuff that you're dealing with" and we are making it, which makes me happy :)
That being said, anytime things want to let up and be a little easier, they're more than welcome to!
I am excited about Thanksgiving and delicious food and love and being with Nathan. Then Christmas! Oy! Nathan is taking me to The Fox to see The Nutcracker (I can't remember if I wrote that or not) and we are going to get dressed up and have a wonderful night!
School is almost over (pending 2 projects, an event no one will go to, 1 paper, and 3 finals). Then I'll have basically a month off total until I'm done with school! I remember starting a year ago... So crazy!
Last year was the start of the rest of my life! I met my future husband, started my schooling to my future career, been through some trials that made me stronger, made some decisions that lead me down a path that I really feel that is right for me.
I can't wait to be a wife, a mother, a successful nurse! I can't wait to have a home to call my own and grow with Nathan. I have met my husband...
That still seems SO unreal to me. After "looking" for what seems like forever, I found him. I mean as a girl you grow up thinking about your prince and then your hero who is going to whisk you up and save you from your adolescent "terrible" life, and then a MAN who will treat you right and be a good husband, and FATHER. How our views change as we grow... but they all revolve around a search for your mate. And I've found mine.
I've never been at this level of comfort with anyone. I've never been at this point of "I never want to look at anyone else" or imagine myself with someone greater, because he is the best. When we have petty arguments that will be over in minutes or sometimes hours, I have to remember that. This is my future husband. He's The One. The one that God set in my life! It wasn't easy to get to where we are and I guess it makes sense that it won't really ever be easy. But how worth it is it at the end of the day when you know you're with the right person and you're so blessed and you realize that you'd do anything to keep them? It's worth everything.
Kind of random, but it's something I had been thinking about.
11.12.2012
Winding Down
This semester is ALMOST OVER! I am so excited! Who would have thought that I have made it this far!? Certainly not me! I am so grateful though :)
To more serious matters, I think I am having a flare up. Of ulcerative colitis, that is. It is the terror that I get most afraid of every time my stomach gets upset. This time, it's for real I believe. I really need lots of prayer and good thoughts! God can do anything.
Tomorrow I get to go with my bridesmaid (sans my Maid of Honor... sad face) and look at dresses! I may get to try mine on while I'm at it! I hope to lose 10 pounds before the wedding (I have a whole year almost). However I did find a beautiful silver/nickel color Calvin Klein gown for cheap today for Nathan and my Christmas at The Fox to see The Nutcracker! So excited!
Then after my measly 2 hours of work, I get to spend time with Nathan :) That's the best part of any day ever. I love him much!
To more serious matters, I think I am having a flare up. Of ulcerative colitis, that is. It is the terror that I get most afraid of every time my stomach gets upset. This time, it's for real I believe. I really need lots of prayer and good thoughts! God can do anything.
Tomorrow I get to go with my bridesmaid (sans my Maid of Honor... sad face) and look at dresses! I may get to try mine on while I'm at it! I hope to lose 10 pounds before the wedding (I have a whole year almost). However I did find a beautiful silver/nickel color Calvin Klein gown for cheap today for Nathan and my Christmas at The Fox to see The Nutcracker! So excited!
Then after my measly 2 hours of work, I get to spend time with Nathan :) That's the best part of any day ever. I love him much!
11.05.2012
Good Day | Bad Day
I had an incredible day in clinical today. I got to hold babies and squeeze babies and touch babies and burp babies and I love the babies. It's what I want to do.
Then my belly started hurting and I was late for work (almost an hour and a half). I have previous seriously almost deathly history with belly hurts, so I am worried about that. I'm praying its just irritated and will go away.
I need my Prince Charming (fiancé) to hold me close and tell me everything will be ok and carry me away from the hurt and to a little cozy castle cabin where we can live together forever and I can be on his royal health insurance so I can go see the doctor. Dear Lord please make this happen and make my belly okay.
Also I have to be up at 5:45.
With no fiancé in sight.
Saddest day.
It seems like when you really need someone, they aren't there. Not on purpose (or maybe), but it just sucks when you're in pain and there's no one to make you feel ok :(
Then my belly started hurting and I was late for work (almost an hour and a half). I have previous seriously almost deathly history with belly hurts, so I am worried about that. I'm praying its just irritated and will go away.
I need my Prince Charming (fiancé) to hold me close and tell me everything will be ok and carry me away from the hurt and to a little cozy castle cabin where we can live together forever and I can be on his royal health insurance so I can go see the doctor. Dear Lord please make this happen and make my belly okay.
Also I have to be up at 5:45.
With no fiancé in sight.
Saddest day.
It seems like when you really need someone, they aren't there. Not on purpose (or maybe), but it just sucks when you're in pain and there's no one to make you feel ok :(
11.04.2012
Ahh November.
I can't believe it's November. I think I said the same thing for October, but really, this semester of nursing school is almost over, Thanksgiving is approaching, and then soon Christmas and my trip to Florida! And New Years! And then... the beginning of the worst 6-7 months of my life. The home stretch of nursing school. Oy.
It's only the 4th and it hasn't been entirely the best month so far. Nathan and I had a fantastic weekend that ended horribly. Fighting is the worst. I felt the worst that I have ever felt, I think. Some things were said that I didn't think I'd ever hear, from both sides. Do we still love each other? Yes. But sometimes I just don't understand why things have to escalate. When you're a little kid all your parents have to do when you're upset it pick you up and hold you and tell you everything is okay. And it is. I just wish that instead of words, that's what would happen to me.
So needless to say, I have been stress eating all day. It's unfortunately what happens when I am upset/clueless. I hate it.
So, I have been looking online at wedding things and house things for my first real home and Christmas things that I want, but cannot have. Ahh life. (I am totally registering at Anthropologie for my wedding, my babies, and anything else I can register for).
It's only the 4th and it hasn't been entirely the best month so far. Nathan and I had a fantastic weekend that ended horribly. Fighting is the worst. I felt the worst that I have ever felt, I think. Some things were said that I didn't think I'd ever hear, from both sides. Do we still love each other? Yes. But sometimes I just don't understand why things have to escalate. When you're a little kid all your parents have to do when you're upset it pick you up and hold you and tell you everything is okay. And it is. I just wish that instead of words, that's what would happen to me.
So needless to say, I have been stress eating all day. It's unfortunately what happens when I am upset/clueless. I hate it.
So, I have been looking online at wedding things and house things for my first real home and Christmas things that I want, but cannot have. Ahh life. (I am totally registering at Anthropologie for my wedding, my babies, and anything else I can register for).
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Skyla Bedding |
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Marseille Coverlet |
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Toecap Treasure Flats  |
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