Lovefool

I have become a lovefool, but that should not be a surprise to anyone.

One week to the day until I can see my love again. (I just noticed that my blogging has increased quite a bit, and all of the blogs are sappy). I'm not suffering from separation anxiety yet, but I do miss him a whole lot. I have errands to run today, and here I am blogging and editing photos from last weekend. Probably not the wisest of my decisions. Also, my boyfriend and I saw Harry Potter and boy did I cry.

I miss my boyfriend. I said that already.
We are either leaving for Florida tonight, or tomorrow, and I haven't packed. Not that I really care what I look like. I am going with family, and I am going to enjoy my time on the beach and at the pool sipping drinks and getting fresh air... and missing my boyfriend. I am ridiculous, I know. But, he is my best friend, and when you don't have your best friend around then who are you going to do best friend things with? I miss him dearly.

I was talking to my mom today (... or the other day... no matter) about relationships. As we were talking, the weird idea came tumbling into my brain of "what if my boyfriend is my future husband?" and it really took me back. It seems silly that I hadn't actually thought of this earlier, since I have been on a quest for a so-called perfect man to become my husband since I matured. But, I think because I was younger and dating, I always just dated and assumed that maybe one day I would marry the person, and maybe not, trying so hard not to get attached to something that may not last forever. In many aspects I am glad for thinking this way, because if I didn't and put all my hopes into any number of someones then I would be in world of trouble now, married to the wrong person and living miserably for the rest of eternity. Then I think back to the wave of DUH that hit... What if my boyfriend is "the one"?

It's scary and bizarre and wonderful and curious and hopeful all at the same time. Do you just "know"? Some people say that they believe in love at first sight, and some have been together years and years before they get married. I guess I won't know. For some reason though, the idea of dating my maybe future husband kind of weirds me out. Or maybe I shouldn't think that way? But I have to because you have to talk about kids and if there is a possibility of a future and finances and beliefs and all of the adult things that I am not ready to face yet. It stresses me out just thinking about it. I don't want to seem crazy, but if things progressed/stayed the same that they are now, I could marry my boyfriend in the future. I absolutely could. But that sounds crazy and I don't want my boyfriend to think I'm crazy and a stereotypical woman even though I am. A typical woman; not crazy. (These frenzied thoughts drive me crazy.) I am deeply in love with him and I can see a future, and babies and a house and love and family and all kinds of things. But I feel like I shouldn't be thinking these things because we have only been dating for almost 6 months and so much could happen on either side of the spectrum of relationship stuff. Did I mention that my name totally sounds good with his last name? (I'm a creep) ...I am an idiot.

But here I am, almost 25 (dear goodness), and I have to think of this stuff. It's like my biological clock is making me think these things. At 18 I'd feel like I had all the time in the world, and oh what I would give to have the lack of responsibility that I did back then. It's not that I feel the need to have babies right away, because that's absolutely not how I feel. I truly want to enjoy my husband for awhile before that happens. I think that I am just ready to spend the rest of my life with someone that I deeply care about. I never liked to date, and I still don't, and all I want is something pure and happy that I can have forever. Is that so hard? I guess so... and I know that God will place me with the right person (if my boyfriend isn't). I think because I am a woman, and a hopeless romantic, seeing people get engaged and have babies makes me envious. Although, now that I think about it, I haven't been envious of those things as much as I am just happy for them. Maybe it's because I am in a very fulfilling relationship at the moment and it doesn't matter to my heart what may or may not happen; it just knows that I am happy now.

I don't know. All I know is that I am in love, and I miss my love, and I would give anything to see him right now.