This is what I think about when I get stressed out:
I want it to be Summer.
Like, no worries or concerns and everyday on the beach, sunbathing and cuddling with my boyfriend. I want to hear the ocean and drink Coca-Cola out of glass bottles and read a book and listen to good, happy, carefree music. I want to take in all that God has made. Clear skies, windy beaches, the hot sun, the freezing cold, salty water. I want it all! Hammocks, BBQ's, hiking, lazy days by the pool! Sun tan lotion on my nose, natural sun bathed highlights in my hair, popsicles, and playing in the water!
I want it to be Fall.
Except for no nursing school, and crisp mornings and sweaters and jeans and boots and leaves and hats. Flannel! I want to be a kid and roll around I leaf piles and have a bonfire and get lost in a corn maze with my love and laugh and laugh and laugh. I want to carve pumpkins and roast marshmallows and breathe in the cold air. I want rosy cheeks and long hair! I want to just lay on the cushioned ground and look at the bare trees and see the sky and forget about everything. I want to go on a gorgeous bike ride and see all of the colors of the leaves that are left.
I want it to be Winter!
Snow, snow, snow, snow. I miss it. I want snow, and fireplaces, and the smell of burning wood and marshmallows and hot chocolate and Christmas. I want to build an igloo and throw snowballs and get bundled up and then warm myself by a fire. I want to cuddle up with my Nate and drink hot cider and eat stew and tell each other stories. I want to go outside and see the snow falling in the woods at night, and around the street lamps and secretly long for somewhere like Narnia!
Spring.
I want the green, and the flowers, and some rain, but not all of it that we usually get. That's about all for spring. ;)
I want the best of all 4 seasons all the time. I wish I could do that. It'd be a weird power, but it would make me a very happy person. BOOM! Snow. BAM! Leaves and pumpkins. Actually, more realistically, if I could find somewhere where it was Fall year round, I'd be the happiest woman in the galaxy. I have a feeling that is what Heaven will be like for me. Fall all the time. I can't even describe it. It just FEELS different! The air is cool, but not freezing, and the smells that come out are clean and deep and pure and at the same time like clove, and cinnamon, and woodsy. Warm sweaters and colors and family. It's just the perfect time of year! I want all of that right now.
Hand holding with Nate, open window car rides and bike rides and perfect weather. My smile would be infinite.
5.10.2012
5.09.2012
in the woods
I can't sleep normal hours anymore for some reason and it makes me sad! I was exhausted at 11 last night and slept until 3. So awful. It's like 4 hours is my cap, and then I'm exhausted all day! Meh.
Well, I had an escape this weekend to a little old cabin in the woods with my love. It was a perfect cabin surrounded by trees and nature and quiet and rain. I loved it! Everything was so much cooler up there, both literally and figuratively. It was like 60 degrees at night and 70 during the day, thunderstorms at night and no rain during the day, and a hot tub in the middle of the forest with the fireflies! It was wonderful.
We cooked a big breakfast with pancakes and maple sausage and hashbrown casserole and orange juice in fancy glasses and listened to jazz music and held hands. We caught up on sleep and watched Star Wars and my Nate when he was little and SO ADORBS. We ate pizza and ice cream and junk food and wrote in the guest book and laughed and and and it was wonderful!
We ventured out to look at antique stores the second day, but most places were closed on Mondays in that little old town :) The ones we did find open were more of a catch-all of homemade gifts, thrift stores, and had little to do with antiques. But we laughed at things and held hands and probably told each other hundreds of times that we love each other. It was fun!
We drove back and stopped at a mountain center and saw all of this real cool AT hiking stuff and it reaffirmed how bad I want to just quit life for 8 months or so and hike it. I'd be in real good shape by the end if I made it to Maine! It would be a real bonding experience for sure! With both Nate and nature :) Maybe after I graduate and before I have to pay back mountains of loans :)
The rest of the time I was perpetually tired. We grabbed sandwiches, went thrifting for a VCR for Nate, and then I had to get my brakes fixed because it sounded like I was dragging the Tin Man behind my car when I drove. At the time I was irritated that I had to spend 2 hours in the repair shop and 150 dollars on brakes, but looking back, Nathan and I talked a lot about a lot of things. At the time they seemed like just regular old conversations, about everything and nothing. But really, it makes me realize how lucky I am to know and be with my best friend. He knows me inside and out. He calms me down when I get heated, he knows my heart, we both are on the same page. We talked about getting married and all that goes with that, along with fibromyalgia, somatiform disorder, autism, wheat (apparently people think it's evil), etc. Just everything.
The thought of marriage is scary. I used to be so ready for it, and now that I feel it is approaching soon (I don't know when, but I know he's the one), it's so scary. I've been burned a few times, and had my share of serious heartbreak, more than the average young lady, and it's compounded into a big ball of good/worry/panic. I never want to lose Nathan. He is my rock and my best friend and I am absolutely in love with him. The thought of something happening to him is something so overwhelming that I can't even describe beyond that. Yet, the thought of being bound forever to one person and trusting them with your being is so scary! I know marriage is hard, and that's scary too. Also coming from a household of divorce is looming over my head as I do not ever want that! I know that I'm just terrified of hurt, and I'm going to have to get over that. I know God has placed me with the best man for me, and I have to trust that. But there's that word again... TRUST. Trusting is hard to do when you have a panic attack when things are out of your control, ex: nursing school. I'm still suffering from PTSD after last semester!
I want to be his wife, and although I'm scared, I'm not unsure. I know he's a wonderful man, and while not perfect human beings (since there is no such thing), we are perfect for each other. I am just going to have to seriously work on letting go of my worry and past and stress. Easier said than done, but you have to start somewhere!
Man, this weekend was full of revelations.
Also, I have known Nate for a year and 3 months today. I love him so!
Well, I had an escape this weekend to a little old cabin in the woods with my love. It was a perfect cabin surrounded by trees and nature and quiet and rain. I loved it! Everything was so much cooler up there, both literally and figuratively. It was like 60 degrees at night and 70 during the day, thunderstorms at night and no rain during the day, and a hot tub in the middle of the forest with the fireflies! It was wonderful.
We cooked a big breakfast with pancakes and maple sausage and hashbrown casserole and orange juice in fancy glasses and listened to jazz music and held hands. We caught up on sleep and watched Star Wars and my Nate when he was little and SO ADORBS. We ate pizza and ice cream and junk food and wrote in the guest book and laughed and and and it was wonderful!
We ventured out to look at antique stores the second day, but most places were closed on Mondays in that little old town :) The ones we did find open were more of a catch-all of homemade gifts, thrift stores, and had little to do with antiques. But we laughed at things and held hands and probably told each other hundreds of times that we love each other. It was fun!
We drove back and stopped at a mountain center and saw all of this real cool AT hiking stuff and it reaffirmed how bad I want to just quit life for 8 months or so and hike it. I'd be in real good shape by the end if I made it to Maine! It would be a real bonding experience for sure! With both Nate and nature :) Maybe after I graduate and before I have to pay back mountains of loans :)
The rest of the time I was perpetually tired. We grabbed sandwiches, went thrifting for a VCR for Nate, and then I had to get my brakes fixed because it sounded like I was dragging the Tin Man behind my car when I drove. At the time I was irritated that I had to spend 2 hours in the repair shop and 150 dollars on brakes, but looking back, Nathan and I talked a lot about a lot of things. At the time they seemed like just regular old conversations, about everything and nothing. But really, it makes me realize how lucky I am to know and be with my best friend. He knows me inside and out. He calms me down when I get heated, he knows my heart, we both are on the same page. We talked about getting married and all that goes with that, along with fibromyalgia, somatiform disorder, autism, wheat (apparently people think it's evil), etc. Just everything.
The thought of marriage is scary. I used to be so ready for it, and now that I feel it is approaching soon (I don't know when, but I know he's the one), it's so scary. I've been burned a few times, and had my share of serious heartbreak, more than the average young lady, and it's compounded into a big ball of good/worry/panic. I never want to lose Nathan. He is my rock and my best friend and I am absolutely in love with him. The thought of something happening to him is something so overwhelming that I can't even describe beyond that. Yet, the thought of being bound forever to one person and trusting them with your being is so scary! I know marriage is hard, and that's scary too. Also coming from a household of divorce is looming over my head as I do not ever want that! I know that I'm just terrified of hurt, and I'm going to have to get over that. I know God has placed me with the best man for me, and I have to trust that. But there's that word again... TRUST. Trusting is hard to do when you have a panic attack when things are out of your control, ex: nursing school. I'm still suffering from PTSD after last semester!
I want to be his wife, and although I'm scared, I'm not unsure. I know he's a wonderful man, and while not perfect human beings (since there is no such thing), we are perfect for each other. I am just going to have to seriously work on letting go of my worry and past and stress. Easier said than done, but you have to start somewhere!
Man, this weekend was full of revelations.
Also, I have known Nate for a year and 3 months today. I love him so!
5.04.2012
plaid
Lately, I have had the irresistible urge to buy everything plaid. Like, flannel, mountain, lumberjack plaid. Not bro, hot pink, plaid.
I'm getting these:
I can't wait to see my boyfriend on Sunday! :)
I'm getting these:
 |
| I know it's not plaid, but it's so cute! And on sale! |
5.02.2012
i'm a senior!
I AM OFFICIALLY A SENIOR NURSING STUDENT!
I never thought I would see the day.
Things I learned and did during my first year of nursing school:
1. Cleaned wrinkly old people in a shower, and was totally cool with seeing them naked.
2. C. diff poop smells... different.
3. Hot and dry = sugar high
Cold and clammy = needs some candy
4. Nervous breakdowns are a weekly event.
5. It is very possible to have chronic IBS during test weeks and finals.
6. It is also very possible to diet in nursing school, mostly due to stress.
7. Anxiety r/t nursing school AEB IBS, failing med surg test grades, not being able to keep nurse face when irrigating a pressure ulcer, and chronic fatigue.
8. Self diagnosis is popular.
9. Mental health is grey; there is no black or white.
10. Health assessments are the most thorough in nursing school, taking upwards of an hour to complete. In real life, almost non existent.
11. APA format sucks.
12. ABC's are not what you think they are.
13. If airway is an answer for a priority question, pick it.
14. If hand washing is an answer, pick it.
15. Lab values must be memorized, when in reality there is a chart for everything.
16. Buy stock in highlighters.
17. If your textbook is not yellow, you're not highlighting enough.
18. Clear before cloudy.
19. Pregnancy is terrifying.
20. MAGNESIUM SULFATE.
21. In the case of postpartum hemorrhage, massage the fundus.
22. Diabetes will mess you up.
23. Drug dictionaries are priceless.
24. ATI SUCKS
25. Nursing school makes you hate everything/one, especially people with free time.
26. If you don't know it by 2 AM, it's not happening.
27. Doctors and anesthesiologists are mean.
28. You really DO see EVERYTHING in Mental Health clinical rotations.
29. Friends can bring you the most support.
30. You cannot study effectively while sitting on Facebook, Netflix, or playing Bejeweled.
31. Gossip is plentiful.
32. Crying is essential to survival.
33. Boyfriends and kittens make it do-able. Barely, but it works.
34. FHT's
35. Scrubs, pen, paper, stethoscope, and ID badge always at clinical.
36. What's free time? Or friends?
37. Tabatha's Salon Takeover is not conducive to studying.
38. Hard, rigid, board-like abdomen = peritonitis.
39. Manual blood pressures are hard to do when you have ADD.
40. Give digoxin only if pulse is > 60.
41. Endoscopy is probably the cleanest place in the hospital.
42. Suicide notes are creepy to read.
43. IV's ARE SO FUN!
44. ACCUCHECKS ARE FUN!
45. Care plans.
46. Drug cards.
47. Diagnostic labs and test are important for your tests.
48. Pick the rightest right answer.
49. Therapeutic communication.
50. MED MATH.
In short, that's nursing school. Poop, naked old people, vital signs, heavy books, stress upon stress upon stress, medical math, trick questions, raised grade bars, unneeded competition, schizophrenics, and nervous breakdowns all for the price of a new car. It's amazing. How am I alive? I don't know. God pulled me though, family helped, and Nathan carried me through a lot. The last month of nursing school I went catatonic; alienating my friends in class and basically living in my books just to pass my final for Med Surg. I passed all of my classes, and now I am a senior. Wow!
I have 3 months nursing SCHOOL free. However, I start an externship on the 21st, Public speaking the same day, and Spanish 2 in June. I have a feeling that this Summer is going to be bittersweet.
I never thought I would see the day.
Things I learned and did during my first year of nursing school:
1. Cleaned wrinkly old people in a shower, and was totally cool with seeing them naked.
2. C. diff poop smells... different.
3. Hot and dry = sugar high
Cold and clammy = needs some candy
4. Nervous breakdowns are a weekly event.
5. It is very possible to have chronic IBS during test weeks and finals.
6. It is also very possible to diet in nursing school, mostly due to stress.
7. Anxiety r/t nursing school AEB IBS, failing med surg test grades, not being able to keep nurse face when irrigating a pressure ulcer, and chronic fatigue.
8. Self diagnosis is popular.
9. Mental health is grey; there is no black or white.
10. Health assessments are the most thorough in nursing school, taking upwards of an hour to complete. In real life, almost non existent.
11. APA format sucks.
12. ABC's are not what you think they are.
13. If airway is an answer for a priority question, pick it.
14. If hand washing is an answer, pick it.
15. Lab values must be memorized, when in reality there is a chart for everything.
16. Buy stock in highlighters.
17. If your textbook is not yellow, you're not highlighting enough.
18. Clear before cloudy.
19. Pregnancy is terrifying.
20. MAGNESIUM SULFATE.
21. In the case of postpartum hemorrhage, massage the fundus.
22. Diabetes will mess you up.
23. Drug dictionaries are priceless.
24. ATI SUCKS
25. Nursing school makes you hate everything/one, especially people with free time.
26. If you don't know it by 2 AM, it's not happening.
27. Doctors and anesthesiologists are mean.
28. You really DO see EVERYTHING in Mental Health clinical rotations.
29. Friends can bring you the most support.
30. You cannot study effectively while sitting on Facebook, Netflix, or playing Bejeweled.
31. Gossip is plentiful.
32. Crying is essential to survival.
33. Boyfriends and kittens make it do-able. Barely, but it works.
34. FHT's
35. Scrubs, pen, paper, stethoscope, and ID badge always at clinical.
36. What's free time? Or friends?
37. Tabatha's Salon Takeover is not conducive to studying.
38. Hard, rigid, board-like abdomen = peritonitis.
39. Manual blood pressures are hard to do when you have ADD.
40. Give digoxin only if pulse is > 60.
41. Endoscopy is probably the cleanest place in the hospital.
42. Suicide notes are creepy to read.
43. IV's ARE SO FUN!
44. ACCUCHECKS ARE FUN!
45. Care plans.
46. Drug cards.
47. Diagnostic labs and test are important for your tests.
48. Pick the rightest right answer.
49. Therapeutic communication.
50. MED MATH.
In short, that's nursing school. Poop, naked old people, vital signs, heavy books, stress upon stress upon stress, medical math, trick questions, raised grade bars, unneeded competition, schizophrenics, and nervous breakdowns all for the price of a new car. It's amazing. How am I alive? I don't know. God pulled me though, family helped, and Nathan carried me through a lot. The last month of nursing school I went catatonic; alienating my friends in class and basically living in my books just to pass my final for Med Surg. I passed all of my classes, and now I am a senior. Wow!
I have 3 months nursing SCHOOL free. However, I start an externship on the 21st, Public speaking the same day, and Spanish 2 in June. I have a feeling that this Summer is going to be bittersweet.
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