Seconds

Second post in one night. Oy.

It's late and I have a headache and I miss Nathan. I'm so sick of not being married. Like, make me cry, make my heart hurt, sick. I want to be able to cuddle with him every flipping night. There is no better feeling than when I am in his warm, strong arms with my face burrowed in his chest. It's home. I sleep better that way. I miss it :( I want to be able to do that. Every night forever. Fall asleep with him scratching my back or playing with my hair and me just hearing his heart beat. Perfect! It's perfect.

I just need him. I can seriously be happy with him. He's my comfort. He drives me crazy sometimes, and I him, but I love him. Everything. His smell, his voice, his laugh, everything! And I want all of that everyday. A year and 2 months is a long time. I want it to fly by so we can be married. Who would have thought that the cute boy I met on the Internet would turn out to be my future husband?! I guess I always hoped, but, holy cow! And that first date was the last first date of my life. And the last first kiss. He will be the one that takes care of me forever. It's crazy! I remember thinking, Christa, if this date doesn't go well, keep your head up. And look where it got me! We have had our storms for sure, some more terrible and scary than others, but we have made it. We have seen the calm and wonderful days, and I really want to keep those coming. We are both so excited to learn about God and growing with God in our lives. We have a lot to work on before we get married, but he said "I'm willing to do whatever it takes" and so am I. We want a relationship that's deep rooted and lasts a lifetime. We are both in agreement that premarital counseling is the best thing! I mean, what do we know? We've never been married before. We can only learn to not be our parents from watching then go through their hard times, but we aren't our parents. Where are the rules for this game in life? "Here is how to fix an argument" or "Here is how to stop them from ever happening again". Marriage is daunting. It's scary to me. Actually, it's super terrifying. But I want to take a leap of faith. I have faith that God lead me to the right person that he knew I was supposed to be with for one reason or another. And I love him. Dearly and deeply and truly.