Holy

I want to become a holier woman. I think that means less time online looking at things that don't matter and things that make life harder. I need to pray more. I need to read about Him more. I need to go back to where I was when I started this journey a long time ago. Things were better then. Bad days weren't as bad because I KNEW that they would get better and good days were wonderful because I knew they were a gift. It's sad how bad things have to happen for me to come crawling back asking for saving. I just need to stay that way all the time, inward, holy thinking and outward love and forgiveness. It's hard to live like that. I have a lingering weird feeling over me. I don't know what to do in general. I'm kind of sad, but more just "blah".
Not depression blah, but just... I don't know. Life is hard now. Lots of sad, hard things are going on and it seems that less and less happy things are going on. I want everything to be wonderful again. I need to pray and I need prayers and I need time.