10 Weeks with baby 3?!

10 Weeks with Baby #3?!

How far along? I0 weeks

How big is baby? The size of a strawberry! 

Heartrate: 168

Total weight gain/loss: I actually lost 4 lbs from my pre-pregnancy appointment.

Maternity clothes? Not yet!

Sleep: I sleep in nap cycles this go around. ;(

Best moment this week: Trying to figure out what can help with the morning sickness! I'm so nauseated this time around— still.

Movement: not yet! 

Food cravings: fruit! 

Food Aversions: Everything depending on the time of day... even water!

Gender: No idea, but I’m not so secretly hoping pink ❤️

Labor Signs?

Pregnancy Symptoms? Some bloating and sinus stuff, super watery mouth and nausea.

Belly Button in or out? In.

What I miss: Not feeling like I have to puke every moment of the day, sleep, and clothes that fit!

What I am looking forward to: Getting to see baby!

Upcoming appointments/events:  Check up in 4 weeks!

Weekly Wisdom: Stock up on meds you are allowed to take during pregnancy. You never know when you might need it. (this is still true, so I'm going to leave it!) I will add that ginger ale, Preggie Pops, crackers, small meals, and no movement while you feel sick is probably the best you can do!

Milestones: Fingers and toes aren’t webbed anymore! And little one was waving at us :)

Bump Picture: nope...

2018... Where has the time gone?

Well, well. It's June of 2018 and I haven't written in a long while. Things are different and blooming around here at the O'Brien house.

Nathan is working from home and taking full-time care of the babies while I'm at work full-time for 3+ days a week and sprinkling in a little photography here and there. Ethan is 18 months old (wow!) and Benjamin will be 4 this September (it hurts my heart to see my little boys growing up, but I'm so thankful for it too). I'll be 32 in August. This is it. It's supposed to be my "prime" year. They say women have their prime at 32. So, next year has to be my best year yet, right?

I'm trying to recap on things that happened. My mom moved to Florida because her mother passed away. So that leaves me and Kenny in Georgia. We get together almost every Thursday night to play board games... mostly D&D (I said I was growing up didn't I?) Nathan and I went to Jamaica this year and had an amazing time. Although I'm not as skinny as I want to be (far from it) and I'm not as wrinkle free and everything as high and tight as it used to be, I had a really great time and didn't let it bother me. Maybe that comes with age too? Giving yourself a little grace?

Nathan has gotten really good at spoon and bowl making. Woodworking small things in general he is really into. We are still working on paying off some things before we can move. I'm ready for my forever home. We are thinking maybe one more baby if God blesses us with one. The thought of never having any more little ones makes me sad. And although they drive me crazy at times (and some days it's most of the time) I lay down at night and my last thoughts are about them and how much I love them and how much I pray for their health and happiness. Nathan and I have known each other for 7 years this year. It's so crazy to think that I wrote about him here when we first started dating, and here we are 7 years later with babies and the house.

I can't sleep. It's 3 AM and I don't know what made me think of this blog, but I did. I'm up downstairs watching Murder She Wrote and Psych (still one of my favorites), and thinking about everything there is to think about. I miss my Dad. It'll be 3 years this year since he passed, and I miss him more now than after it happened. I see him in Ethan. He's so spunky and "fresh", that I see my dad's sarcastic sense of humor in him. My grandma was talking about selling her house last year, which made me super sad, but in an unexpected turn of events, my grandma decided to sell her and Chris's house instead, so we get to keep the family house in the family. We still have Tangobutt and Pepper, although they are outside cats now.

I'm trying to think what else.

Nathan and I had a rough patch last year. We both did a 180 and are doing really well. I am thankful for that so much.

Breastfeeding

So little Ethan is a week old (technically yesterday), and we have survived a week on breastmilk only! This is a small achievement for me. I have to look back at Benjamin's blogs, because I can't remember how long I lasted, but I know it wasn't very long because I got thrush on my nipples (and he had it in his mouth) and then mastitis. After that 103 temp and feeling/looking like I was at death's door, I said "to heck with that!" and went to the bottle. I'm trying really hard this time since I will have the full 12 weeks off to breastfeed exclusively and increase my supply. I also wish I had done a before and after photo from the day we got home until today. Technically not even a week back home and my uterus/belly is way down. That's helpful too. I had some pretty severe swelling when I first got home. I'm getting back to normal!

Also, I read somewhere that you burn 20 calories an ounce of breastmilk, so I am HELLA trying to stick to that to help me lose weight. Plus these lactation smoothies I'm making (thanks Pinterest!) are making me eat more healthy and are full of good fats that are keeping me pretty full. Once I get the go ahead from my Dr. I will start incorporating some neighborhood jogs into the mix (and once baby starts sleeping a little more... sleep deprivation is REAL in the O'Brien house).

Well, I've got to pump in a little bit for Ethan, so I should probably nap!

4 AM Thoughts

Well, parenting is hard. Especially when you have 2 to look after. I don't know how these moms of 4+ do it! (I didn't say 3+ only because I'm crazy enough to want to try it... maybe.) I'm trying really, REALLY hard to breastfeed this time. I made it past the engorgement phase (thank goodness), but now when I nurse Ethan, I get these horrific after-pains. After looking it up, they can vary between painless to labor-like contractions (which the latter  is what I had last night) because oxytocin plays a significant role in shrinking your uterus back down to itty bitty. I love breastfeeding though. It's a struggle to get Ethan to latch, but when it's right it's so relaxing and bonding. And baby gets that milk out so much faster than the pump! 

So as far as physical stuff 6 days after delivery: I'm mushy everywhere. Swelling in my thighs, legs, feet, hands, and face are worse than they were before I had the baby. I hear it will go down soon... I looked 7 months pregnant when I left the hospital, and now maybe 4 months pregnant. I want it to go back to normal please!!! I haven't gotten on the scale yet. I'm giving myself 2 weeks to lose some fluid and get the swing of things before I worry about dieting. I'm hairy. Everywhere hair. I'm sore in my pelvis, my crotch, and my legs. My nipples hurt (lanolin is on the way...). The exhaustion isn't terrible considering I wake up every 2-3 hours a night and stay up all day. My hormones are CRAZY though. Everything makes me cry. I want that to get back to normal (not to mention it might fix my hairiness I have going on right now). My husband is home for 1 more week... and it's stressing me out knowing that I will have to take care of both boys alone for a majority of the day. It's hard dude. 

Everyone has either said going from none to one was the hardest, or going from one to two is the hardest adjustment wise, and I have to agree with the latter. My two year old is so so sweet... most of the time. But when he has a meltdown, it's all over. I don't fault him for that. There's a new baby in the house, plus he's two. So he's going to do it. It's just hard. I love Benjamin to death, and I am finding it hard to split myself between two babies. It's weird how when I came home, my view of Benjamin changed. Seeing this little baby Ethan who is just 8 pounds and then laying eyes on my 30+ pound toddler made me realize that he's growing up so fast... it's scary and sad! I miss him being my baby (although he always will be). It's just a shock to realize how little he was and how much he has grown. It makes me proud and happy and sad at the same time. I told Nathan last night "you realize that this is the youngest and littlest he will ever be?" And it's so crazy! Time flies. If anyone has the secret to slow it down, let me know! 

It's making me reevaluate my job(s). My family is the most important thing to me. I want to see my babies grow up. But at the same time I don't want to burden Nathan with being the sole provider financially for us. I can maybe go back to work as needed, or quit and do photography, or just stay with my babies. Well, the last one isn't really an option right now. We are trying to downsize our house at least money wise, maybe get rid of the Jeep for a cheaper minivan, look at bills and see what we can cut. I want the simple life. I truly do. Nathan said when we retire he wants a cabin the mountains and I can bake pies all day. That sounds amazing, but I want to have more time NOW. I want to spend more time with family and friends and with my babies watching them grow. 

I should be sleeping, but I can't! I have too much on my mind. Looking at this baby in his crib, thinking about the grown baby sleeping in the room across the hall, and hearing my husband sweetly snore next to me, makes me realize how blessed I am. I have 3 boys in my life that are my everything. As soon as I typed that, I had a huge yawn come over me. Maybe it's time to take a nap before Ethan's next feeding.