I mega can't sleep.
I'm sitting in a swanky hotel watching law and order and laying in a swankier king bed and looking out at Virginia... and I don't know what I want. I mean, I DO know what I want, but I don't know what to do, I guess. I want to be married, but that is a one way thing at this point. So, I feel like I just need to take time for me and read and learn about God and make jewelry and focus on things other than... my happiness? I don't know. That sounds stupid. My heartbreak is huge. I have this complete apathy right now and I hate it. I really don't know what to do. Do I deny myself happiness? I keep saying I won't talk about it, but it keeps coming up, if only in my head, and I can't get away from it. It makes no sense not to talk about it, but it hurts TO talk about it. What am I supposed to do?
Things like this make me want to scream and cry and just walk away from everything so I don't have to deal with it. Today just hit really hard, with my cousin getting married and all. I just want that happiness, and when you know, you know. But what happens when that's only one way?! Not marriage. Marriage doesn't happen when it's one way. And then I get heartbroken, again. And again and again. Maybe time is what I need...
Or solitude.
Or prayers.
whoa whoa whoa... why is this a one way thing? I thought we were both mutual about the relationship? how does he feel? I thought people had relationships to work there way to marriage, if he doesnt want marriage then why does he want a relationship?
ReplyDeleteInitially being single would be hard bc you would miss him but do you think you would want to be single for a while and have the time for yourself?
Sorry you are going through this, i know its def not something you want to have to worry about on top of school and work, etc...
<3 ya guh!