Insomnia

I can't sleep, so I am off and on studying for health assessment, looking at urban outfitters and anthropologie for crafty diy inspirations, craigslist for a cheap nightstand/mirror/desk, watching Law and Order, and babysitting jobs. What the heck. I should be sleeping, but alas, I am not and cannot.

This is where a sleep aid should come in handy. I find that if I take anything to help me sleep though, I feel just as tired in the morning as if I didn't sleep, so I might as well stay up and be somewhat productive than sleep and feel just as awful in the morning. I'll just get coffee and try and survive my 3 hour class in the a.m.

Anyway, I passed my first nursing check off just fine. My first test is Thursday, and I am a bit stressed about it since I don't know what the tests are like. Such is life. I cooked my first dinner ever in the house yesterday! I made pasta with a meat sauce and a nice salad for me and my boyfriend :) Then we watched Home Alone 2 and ate some ice cream. Nights like those make me the happiest!

I am the biggest home-body in the world. I like to go out and have my fun, but at the end of the day I want to be in my comfy, familiar house with my boyfriend (which doesn't happen nearly enough). I have the craft bug. I made a bunch of "crackle" frames that I need to fill with pictures. Next on my list is a jewelry "frame"! I think I have latched onto this because it's a way to relieve some of the mega ultra stress from nursing school. This is the most stressful thing I've ever done. Knowing the material is one thing, and the thing that I love the most, but having to apply it to real patients and being responsible for lives... that's the stressful part. I just want to be done with school and married and make money to pay off debts so I can make my own cutesy house and not have to worry as much. Can that happen please?

Boyfriend is still the best thing ever and I fall in love with him more and more everyday. It's fun to look back at my blogs about our first few dates and how everything progressed. It makes me smile to see how something so great has blossomed from a giant leap of faith. God has blessed me for sure. I wanna marry this man someday :)

Nursing School...

is the most stressful thing that I have ever attempted to do in my life. The amount of studying required is insane. My personal life has not suffered much yet, and I am working hard to keep everything in balance. It helps to have the most supportive boyfriend in the entire world. I was having a plethora of bad days in a row starting the night of my 25th birthday (sometimes nothing wants to work in your favor), and he made everything better. He made me dinner for my birthday (Harry Potter themed!), got me a ukulele, then the next day he got me an Alphonse Mucha (my favorite!) poster, then the next day he hand wrote me a letter about how much I meant to him and mailed it to me, we started praying together, and has just been immensely supportive. I have been praying for my entire life, and it has been a very important aspect of my life. But, praying with someone is very intrusive and personal. Even though right now we just pray in thanks over our food and for each other, it feels so right and like we are "bonding", even if it sounds dumb.

I am blessed, and trying so hard to "give everything to God". Here's to trying!

Cryptic Life Questions...

What am I doing? Is this all right? Is this how it is supposed to be? What if it's a mistake? What if it's not supposed to be? Who am I dealing with? What if there are secrets? What if I'm supposed to be somewhere else? How do I know? When will I know? Will I ever? Will it get clearer? Are there things that don't belong? Are there hidden things that come out later? What signs are there? What if I fail? How will I pick myself back up? Do I start over? Do I trust? Do I take words?

Stress

Well into my second WEEK of nursing school I have learned and done many things:

• had at least two crying fits/nervous breakdowns
• learned that I need to organize and prioritize
• appreciated that my boyfriend is the most supportive, amazing, wonderful man in the entire world
• prayed a whole lot
• read more than I have in my entire life
• slowly came to terms with the fact that I will have no life for 2 years
• made some new friends

 Needless to say that I am stressed. Nursing school itself has induced many headaches and sleepless nights already, and I am finding myself trying my hardest to NOT get behind. I think about giving up when I get frustrated and exhausted, and then I think about what I had to go through to get here. I found out this week that I was chose out of 200 applicants as one of 24 students in the program in Athens. Not to toot my own horn, but that really surprised me, and I am very grateful for it. I have been very blessed, and I know that I can't take any of this hard work for granted! God placed me here for a reason, and I am going to do my best.

I am finding my place in Athens. Things are still in boxes, and I feel like I haven't had a moment to do any serious settling in. My roommate seems to have been able to get unpacked and moved in in record time which is kind of ___________. I don't know how to feel about it. I kind of like to pretend that I live alone ;) I am also finding PLACES in Athens. It's fun to have Nate come over and him show me around and us explore. I really want to go thrifting soon. Last time we tried to go I was feeling like poop, so.

Umm... I really have been into jewelry lately. I want some more dainty silver rings and cute earrings. Etsy has been my online window shopping epicenter. I love it!

Also, my birthday is Sunday. A quarter-of-a-century years old. I hate that, but Nate is making me excited for my birthday. I know he has dinner planned, but I don't know details, and I am looking forward to my birthday for the first time in YEARS. Well, time to veg for a bit before I start to read more about Pharmacology and Med Math and Nursing Fundamentals and Health Assessment...

Christa W, BSN, RN

This will be my title one day.
For now, I have completed exactly one day of Nursing school, and it was pretty daunting. I feel like there will be a lot of studying and crying and being on the brink of giving up, but I will prevail because I have a ton of supportive people in my life and prayer. I was doing pretty okay until I started looking at Pharmacology... but I don't have that class until tomorrow so I'll find out, I'm sure. There were quite a few people in the classes that I was in that failed in the Summer, so that's not exactly inspiring. I just have to stick with studying and reading and not get behind. Updates soon. For now, I have a date with a cute boyfriend that is going to cook me a burger and play me songs on the guitar.

i carry your heart with me...

I love e.e. cummings. I like that he writes in lowercase and that his format is weird. My favorite poem is his most famous, "i carry your heart":

"i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)"

In true love-stricken-like-a-teenager fashion, I thought of this poem today because I've been with my sweetest boyfriend for 6 months. And because I am the biggest sap ever, I decided to blog about it. He's the best and this is the happiest I have been in years and years. I love his family, his friends, his soul, and everything he is about. He's the most genuine, sweet, honest person I have ever met and I am very blessed to call him mine. I hope to write about us again in another 6 months, and many months after that. He's the best thing that's ever been placed into my life, and I am very thankful for him. He makes me laugh and fall more in love with him everyday. He's my everyday present from God :)

Basically, I love my Nate.

<3

 

 

 

Things and Things

I have survived a full week in my new house! I haven't met my roommate yet, but I am hoping it works out (since I'm stuck here for a year either way!)

Nate and I will have been together for 6 months tomorrow! [let's see if he remembers... ;)] I can say that this is the happiest and most comfortable I have ever been in my whole life, and I am loving every minute of it. I have been blessed! These 6 months have flown by super fast... except for July. The entire month of July I didn't work, or go to school, so it dragged on. I have noticed lately that I really like being "busy". Whether it's just running errands or school or work or boyfriend time :) I'm looking forward to school for sure. I'm ready for these 2 years to fly by so I can actually be a nurse and make money and start a "family" (whatever that means).

I'm still counting down until the big 25. Guh... Not looking forward to that! I feel old already, and I don't need a number to further verify that. I think that I just feel so "behind" because I'm still in school, not married, etc. Maybe when I graduate I'll feel better, like I've gotten back on track and caught up. I'm not comparing myself to other people individually I guess (because there are certainly people out there who I would not want to exchange life paths with) but I suppose as a general whole. I'll get over it.

Up late...

Well, I'm sitting up in my new house in Athens :)

It's really bizarre living on my own. I like it, but it's taking some getting used to. I'm closer to my boyfriend, which is awesome, and I'm super close to school which is another plus.

I'm going to be 25 soon... stress city! I feel so old and unaccomplished! I'm hoping these 2 years of school will fly by (God willing).

My trip to Florida was fun. I saw family I never get to see, and I sat in the sun, and I got to go to Harry Potter World, which was amazing (but, I super missed my Nate). He taught me a new ukulele strumming pattern tonight! :)

I need to go to bed. I have a long day tomorrow!